Joke Writing Samples
Jan Spent 10 years writing 15 topical jokes a day (she did it in 2 hours!) for hundreds of radio stations throughout the U.S. and Canada. Bill Clinton and George Bush’s antics paid her mortgage!
Aside from radio, Jan has sold comedy material to late night TV, including the Tonight Show monologue with Jay Leno, syndicated cartoon strips, greeting cards, CEOs, professional speakers, corporations looking to punch up their marketing material, and even guests on the Jerry Springer show (her parents are proud!).
NOTE – who will Jan not write for? Comedians unless they’re hugely famous. I feel strongly that comedians should writer their own material and not try to “buy” their way to the top. If you’re famous, and are chewing up a bunch of material on TV and Radio, then that’s ok to hire writers. . . but those newbies need to do it themselves. I also don’t write for people entering contests to be the funniest (insert profession) or other 1-time contests. If you want to be the funniest in your profession, then be the funniest. . .don’t cheat.
Here’s some samples of her topical joke writing:
- CNN reports that this Superbowl weekend lots of vendors will be selling counterfeit sports items that aren’t officially licensed by the NFL. An NFL spokesperson said that you can tell if the T-shirt is not an official Superbowl T-shirt IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT.
- Bill Gates threw a top secret party on an Alaska cruise ship for 500 of the world’s most famous and well-to-do people. For the first time, there was more saline on a ship than in the water.
- A British man and woman are suing British Airways and Airtours Airlines, claiming they suffered blood clotting caused by sitting for long periods of time on cramped airplanes. In fact, the couple said they were so cramped for so long that their legs turned to veal.
- A new experimental drug for lowering blood pressure is close to FDA approval. Scientists say it will be almost as effective as a good divorce.
- So, Sunday was the end of National Condoms Week. Of course, we won’t know if it was successful for another 9 months.
- According to “Redbook” magazine, men really enjoy fixing stuff around the house. . . as long as it doesn’t involve the word “relationship”.
- Scientists are trying to discover if luck really exists. So far, their only proof is the popularity of the Spice Girls.
- Five guys survived a blizzard in Oregon by making a fire out of their credit cards and cash. It could be worse, they could have totally wasted the money by going to see the movie “Blades of Glory.”
- Beware at your cookouts this summer. Bug zappers kill flies and spread their germs up to 6 feet, which means they can contaminate food on your grill. In fact, you can tell if your hamburgers are getting insect germs. . . because they will taste like hot dogs.
- Britney Spears claims she’s now more mature and finally “free”. Yep. Show me a single mother of two babies in America who feels “free” and I’ll show you a candidate for a visit from the Department of Children’s Services.
- 56-year-old Eric Clapton and his 26-year-old girlfriend are having a baby. They didn’t want to, but they were desperately looking for something to have in common.
- An Australia woman applied for a credit card for her cat and the cat got it. So add “Australian cat” to the list of things with better credit than me.
- Disneyland has lightened its security procedures. Now if you’re caught shoplifting you have to go to jail for five years. That’s much shorter than the previous sentence of standing in line at Space Mountain.
- Mark Reynolds Hughes, the man who founded Herbalife, the all-natural nutrition and weight-loss company, just died. Every person is asked to recruit two people for the funeral.
- Bill Gates and his wife are limiting their 10-year-old daughter to 45 minutes a day on the computer. The poor kid. That’s barely enough time to reboot Vista a dozen times.
- According to “Redbook” magazine, one of the nine things you should never tell your man is that your girlfriend is cheating on her husband. He doesn’t need to know which of your friends he has a shot at.
- Speaking of weird promotions, in the past, the makers of the film “Blow” gave out souvenir cocaine mirrors. The mirrors were free unless you actually use them. Then they’ll cost you your house, your job, your spouse, your kids. . .
- CareerBuilder.com just put out a list of the 10 taboos for office attire. Some of the taboos are: Don’t wear plunging necklines, low-rise pants, or miniskirts. In other words, don’t wear anything that’ll get you a raise.
- The health inspector who passed the KFC-Taco Bell restaurant filled with rat droppings has been fired. She said she’s happy though, that she still has her night job cleaning Exxon bathrooms.
- McDonald’s said their quarterly profits are down and layoffs are possible. Of course, they’ll do the layoffs by longevity. . . those who have been with the company for 2 weeks have tenure.
- A Russian engineer has created a talking bottle of vodka in which the more you drink the more the bottle gets drunk with you. The bottle actually encourages you to drink again, makes up toasts, and gives you the phone number of ex-girlfriends.
- French doctors are trying to figure out the effects of space travel on the human body by studying people lying in bed for 3 months doing nothing. If they can’t get volunteers for the study, then they’ll just study the next best thing. . . GOVERNMENT WORKERS.
- All 100,000 fans who attended the Super Bowl were checked by the FBI as they went through the turnstile to see if they were wanted criminals. Of course, the cops didn’t find any criminals in the stands. . . because they were all on the field!!!
- George Strait just finished recording his Christmas album. To get in the holiday spirit everyone in the studio got drunk on spiked punch and told each other what they really thought about them.
- The Country Music Awards left a huge mess at the concert hall. Custodians spent all day yesterday picking up white trash.
- Donny and Marie Osmond will host the Miss America pageant. They said they’ll do fine at the swimsuit and evening gown competitions, but they have no idea what to look for in the talent portion.
- A Kenyan woman delivered twins prematurely on a flight to Europe. The woman didn’t need an anesthetic because her butt was already numb from sitting in coach.
- The University of Wisconsin-Madison is hosting a conference this weekend entitled “Hip Hop Generation – Hip Hop As A Movement.” Topics include: “Islam and Afrocentrism in Hip Hop,” “The Prison Industrial Complex,” and “What the Hell Does Jesse Jackson Do for a Living?”
- According to Government statistics, nearly 300,000 marriages will be damaged beyond repair because of an office party affair . . but on the up side over 300,000 secretaries will get promoted.
- What a busy Father’s Day weekend. In fact, over the next week, Jesse Jackson still has a couple dozen more cookouts to attend.
- A Canadian woman had finger surgery that went bad and so now her finger stands up and continually flips everyone the bird. On the “up” side, she has been offered a job in customer service at Sears.
- The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah’s Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated!
- 68 years ago this week, the first drive-in movie theater opened in New Jersey. But more importantly, it was discovered that 6 people CAN fit into the trunk of a Buick.
- A Wales man has been arrested and convicted 192 times. Wales officials are getting tough on the guy . . they said he’ll be put away in jail for good with their “200 strikes you’re out” law.
- Mercedes is now offering cars with 24 hours access to the Internet. Unfortunately the service provider is AOL, so every few feet the car shuts down and asks if you really want to keep driving.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Jan McInnis is a corporate comedian, comedy writer, and professional speaker. Her jokes have been featured on The Tonight Show and she has been named by the Wall Street Journal as one of the most popular convention speakers. She can be reached at Jan@TheWorkLady.com or 1-800-492-9394,